If you read my other post about binding you'll know I've just put my binder on. I haven't worn it in a couple of weeks at all, so putting it back on was like getting into a really comfortable pair of pajamas. The reason I havent worn it, is quite simply I had my nipple pierced! *ouch* now I know what you're thinking, if you're trying to pass as male why on earth would you have your nipple pierced? Well, why not? many bio guys (biological men) have theirs done, why can't I?
But in all seriousness (as serious as I get) I hate my chest, absolutely hate it, don't get me wrong I love tits (excuse the language) just not on me. But my nipple bar is one thing I can say I like about my chest now. Hopefully my man boobs won't be around forever, but in the mean time its nice to have one thing I can say I like about them. Besides no one is going to see it but me.
Ok rant over.
Peace out \/
Wednesday 31 August 2011
Binding
Right I'm back, its only been a couple of hours since my last post but I've just put my binder on and would like to explain to everyone what they are, where to buy one etc etc.
So binding your chest, sounds more painful that it actually is IF you do it properly. Leave the ace bandages in the first aid kit, while they give you a nice flat chest, they are intended to get tighter as they stretch so every time you breath out they're actually getting tighter and tighter. ACE bandages; Breathing problems, coughing up blood is common; broken ribs are not unheard of. They can also cut your skin. Just a bad idea all the way around. So please don't do it :)
Also dont use tape, not even the bondage tape that doesnt rip your skin off, it's the same as ACE bandages. Bad times.
There are a number of online stores that sell better binding options, the only problem is trial and error, due to your own size and build, what works for me might not work for you. So here are a couple of places that have generally good feedback :
http://ftm.underworks.com/ : They offer a good variety of products. They are trans friendly. There is a phone number on the website, so if you're unsure give them a call and they will help you out.
Note: Some longer binders tend to "roll up" on some guys. To prevent this from happening, either fold the bottom half back so it "doubles up" (which also provides extra compression), or sew a wide enough strip of fabric to the bottom edge of the binder to make it long enough to tuck into your trousers.
http://www.underarmour.com/shop/uk/en/ : "Heatgear" undershirts are designed to wear under rugby shirts, football shirts but they do provide some binding, ideal if you don't want to wear a proper binder and they keep you cool and wick away sweat. They are available to buy from most sports shops so you can try them on first.
http://www.t-kingdom.com/ : See their first time buyers guide to see which model suits you. Please note they do tend to come small so you may need to go up a couple of sizes. Also their prices are in taiwan dollars and do look alarming if not converted.
And this idea came from the netherlands for those who don't want to bind in the hotter months of the year:
"Wear a muscle-shirt or a T-shirt (a muscle-shirt, leaving your biceps and deltoids uncovered, looks nicer IMO), preferably not too loose, tucked in. Over that, wear a singlet (which I think [Americans] call a vest or tank top); make sure it's way way way oversized and not made from a stretchy material, preferably with a print or application at the front. It doesn't really bind, but for those of us who are not too large it sure beats hot sweaty tight uncomfortable binders! Also, if the vest has large armholes and is made from a loosely-knit or mesh-like material it's not much warmer than one layer of clothes."
Till next time!
So binding your chest, sounds more painful that it actually is IF you do it properly. Leave the ace bandages in the first aid kit, while they give you a nice flat chest, they are intended to get tighter as they stretch so every time you breath out they're actually getting tighter and tighter. ACE bandages; Breathing problems, coughing up blood is common; broken ribs are not unheard of. They can also cut your skin. Just a bad idea all the way around. So please don't do it :)
Also dont use tape, not even the bondage tape that doesnt rip your skin off, it's the same as ACE bandages. Bad times.
There are a number of online stores that sell better binding options, the only problem is trial and error, due to your own size and build, what works for me might not work for you. So here are a couple of places that have generally good feedback :
http://ftm.underworks.com/ : They offer a good variety of products. They are trans friendly. There is a phone number on the website, so if you're unsure give them a call and they will help you out.
Note: Some longer binders tend to "roll up" on some guys. To prevent this from happening, either fold the bottom half back so it "doubles up" (which also provides extra compression), or sew a wide enough strip of fabric to the bottom edge of the binder to make it long enough to tuck into your trousers.
http://www.underarmour.com/shop/uk/en/ : "Heatgear" undershirts are designed to wear under rugby shirts, football shirts but they do provide some binding, ideal if you don't want to wear a proper binder and they keep you cool and wick away sweat. They are available to buy from most sports shops so you can try them on first.
http://www.t-kingdom.com/ : See their first time buyers guide to see which model suits you. Please note they do tend to come small so you may need to go up a couple of sizes. Also their prices are in taiwan dollars and do look alarming if not converted.
And this idea came from the netherlands for those who don't want to bind in the hotter months of the year:
"Wear a muscle-shirt or a T-shirt (a muscle-shirt, leaving your biceps and deltoids uncovered, looks nicer IMO), preferably not too loose, tucked in. Over that, wear a singlet (which I think [Americans] call a vest or tank top); make sure it's way way way oversized and not made from a stretchy material, preferably with a print or application at the front. It doesn't really bind, but for those of us who are not too large it sure beats hot sweaty tight uncomfortable binders! Also, if the vest has large armholes and is made from a loosely-knit or mesh-like material it's not much warmer than one layer of clothes."
Till next time!
My coming out
So here we are at a crucial point. Coming out!!
I was actually too chicken to tell my family myself so I wrote them an email and sent it to my nan, which is probably the easiest thing to do if your worried about peoples reactions. The only person in my family I told face to face was my dad, and well that could have gone a million times better, but we'll talk about that after. I still have the email saved as well as my nans response so I'm going to copy and paste my email and my nans.
To Family,
I’ve wrote this letter for two reasons. Firstly to thank you all, without you I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
And secondly, this letter is more like a confession of sorts, I’ve have travelled quite a long journey, but am now stuck at a crossroads in which I need to come clean to you all. I have finally come to terms with the gender issues that have been plaguing my mind for so long. About 4 years ago I came out as lesbian-one of the first of many steps in my life- on my journey to discover my true sexuality. Back then lesbian was the only term that I knew and it seemed to fit as I discovered my strong attachment to women. However the term “lesbian” applies to a woman who is attracted to other women, and somehow it just doesn’t fit me. A while back I realised that I identify as transgender. It took me a long time to figure out that the term “transgender” doesn’t only apply to a born male that crosses over to a female, but also the other way around. This made sense. It fit who I was and who I was struggling to be.
So to my friends I went public with my newfound identity, but only to my friends. As I become more comfortable with myself I have come out to more and more people. But you, my family, are the last to know. I heard somewhere along the way that it is normal to keep the most important information away from the people you love most, probably in fear of rejection or a change in family dynamics, and this is probably why I’m telling you last. I am dealing with something that the majority of society takes for granted-who they really are inside. Who I am inside doesn’t match the body that I am living in. I am a man living inside a woman’s body. That’s the bottom line.
I am learning that everything in life revolves around timing, and everything must be done in proper time. Now is my time. This time, I invite you to join me along my journey instead of leaving you all outside looking in.
So this brings me to now. Today. I wanted to make sure that all of you know what I am doing with my life because my next step is going to be a very visible step and will be very hard to explain later if I don’t do it now. The first step, hormone treatment will show the most at first my voice will change, my body will change, and my face will change. I’ll still be the
same person I have always been inside, but now my outside will match what I feel inside. In all respects, this will make my life easier, especially socially. I won’t have to explain to people if I am a man or a woman, nor will I feel belittled when people assume that I am a female and call me “she.” Yes there will be further steps down the line, namely top surgery so
that I won’t look like a man that has breasts, and a legal name change to Jake, but at this point the hormone treatment is my main focus. And just so you all know, I chose Jake because it is similar to the nickname I’d been given by friends as Jay.
I would welcome you to look inside yourselves and address any issues you have, not only with me, but with my other transgender brothers and sisters. If you have any questions about what I am doing, why I am doing it, or anything else, think of me as an open book. Education goes a long way, and I would like to help out if I can. I would also invite you to begin experimenting with my new name and pronoun. I realize that many of you have known me for 17 years, and that is a long time of using one name and pronoun, so I won’t be offended if you have a hard time changing.I may not look the same the next time any of you see me, but in all honesty, I am happier with myself right now than I have ever been in my whole life.
Transitioning is an extremely selfish move, and I have needed to learn how to be a little selfish to enable myself to take these steps. It just hasn’t been like me to be even a little selfish, but in the grand scheme of things it is necessary in order for me to be happy. I am learning not to harbour any animosity towards the world, because what the world thinks of me doesn’t matter anymore. It is what I think of myself.
Sincerely,
Ok that was my email to my nan and actually waiting for this next email seemed like forever but here it goes...
I would like to know where you are so i dont think you are lonely through this time of transition. You know grandad and i love you and if you definiteley know that you want to become a man and be happy we will support you all the way. I have always said that anyone born in the wrong body it must be awful for them as it must be for you. As a family we have no quarms about sexuality as you should know with kirsty being lesbian and you thought that was what you were. Your letter was a shock in the fact that you thought you could not talk to me but i must say jake that it was the most fantastic revealing letter that i have ever seen and your literacy skills are wasted. Please come and talk to me if you are local to us or keep in touch with me byemail address removed. WE LOVE YA LOADS and want to be there for you.
Love NAN and GRANDAD
So that was my nan and grandads response. Pretty cool no? My aunty Kirsty and her wife Nikki have been absolutely fantastic and if you two get a chance to read this LOVE YA!! Actually everyone that I know of on my dads side of the family have been great, except my dad. I actually told my dad face to face and it was the most terrifying thing I've ever done in my life, and the first thing out of his mouth was lets go down the pub. Now me and my dad have a very strange relationship, we get on great if we don't talk about things that matter, politics,my gender and sexuality, His being a complete douche bag. You know the usual. I know its hard for him to accept and I've had it easier than some people in the fact I still see and talk to my dad, but it would be nice for him to try. Ignorance is bliss so they say.
Well thats it for this post, I'll talk about my moms reaction in the next post because this is getting quite long.
I was actually too chicken to tell my family myself so I wrote them an email and sent it to my nan, which is probably the easiest thing to do if your worried about peoples reactions. The only person in my family I told face to face was my dad, and well that could have gone a million times better, but we'll talk about that after. I still have the email saved as well as my nans response so I'm going to copy and paste my email and my nans.
To Family,
I’ve wrote this letter for two reasons. Firstly to thank you all, without you I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
And secondly, this letter is more like a confession of sorts, I’ve have travelled quite a long journey, but am now stuck at a crossroads in which I need to come clean to you all. I have finally come to terms with the gender issues that have been plaguing my mind for so long. About 4 years ago I came out as lesbian-one of the first of many steps in my life- on my journey to discover my true sexuality. Back then lesbian was the only term that I knew and it seemed to fit as I discovered my strong attachment to women. However the term “lesbian” applies to a woman who is attracted to other women, and somehow it just doesn’t fit me. A while back I realised that I identify as transgender. It took me a long time to figure out that the term “transgender” doesn’t only apply to a born male that crosses over to a female, but also the other way around. This made sense. It fit who I was and who I was struggling to be.
So to my friends I went public with my newfound identity, but only to my friends. As I become more comfortable with myself I have come out to more and more people. But you, my family, are the last to know. I heard somewhere along the way that it is normal to keep the most important information away from the people you love most, probably in fear of rejection or a change in family dynamics, and this is probably why I’m telling you last. I am dealing with something that the majority of society takes for granted-who they really are inside. Who I am inside doesn’t match the body that I am living in. I am a man living inside a woman’s body. That’s the bottom line.
I am learning that everything in life revolves around timing, and everything must be done in proper time. Now is my time. This time, I invite you to join me along my journey instead of leaving you all outside looking in.
So this brings me to now. Today. I wanted to make sure that all of you know what I am doing with my life because my next step is going to be a very visible step and will be very hard to explain later if I don’t do it now. The first step, hormone treatment will show the most at first my voice will change, my body will change, and my face will change. I’ll still be the
same person I have always been inside, but now my outside will match what I feel inside. In all respects, this will make my life easier, especially socially. I won’t have to explain to people if I am a man or a woman, nor will I feel belittled when people assume that I am a female and call me “she.” Yes there will be further steps down the line, namely top surgery so
that I won’t look like a man that has breasts, and a legal name change to Jake, but at this point the hormone treatment is my main focus. And just so you all know, I chose Jake because it is similar to the nickname I’d been given by friends as Jay.
I would welcome you to look inside yourselves and address any issues you have, not only with me, but with my other transgender brothers and sisters. If you have any questions about what I am doing, why I am doing it, or anything else, think of me as an open book. Education goes a long way, and I would like to help out if I can. I would also invite you to begin experimenting with my new name and pronoun. I realize that many of you have known me for 17 years, and that is a long time of using one name and pronoun, so I won’t be offended if you have a hard time changing.I may not look the same the next time any of you see me, but in all honesty, I am happier with myself right now than I have ever been in my whole life.
Transitioning is an extremely selfish move, and I have needed to learn how to be a little selfish to enable myself to take these steps. It just hasn’t been like me to be even a little selfish, but in the grand scheme of things it is necessary in order for me to be happy. I am learning not to harbour any animosity towards the world, because what the world thinks of me doesn’t matter anymore. It is what I think of myself.
Sincerely,
Ok that was my email to my nan and actually waiting for this next email seemed like forever but here it goes...
I would like to know where you are so i dont think you are lonely through this time of transition. You know grandad and i love you and if you definiteley know that you want to become a man and be happy we will support you all the way. I have always said that anyone born in the wrong body it must be awful for them as it must be for you. As a family we have no quarms about sexuality as you should know with kirsty being lesbian and you thought that was what you were. Your letter was a shock in the fact that you thought you could not talk to me but i must say jake that it was the most fantastic revealing letter that i have ever seen and your literacy skills are wasted. Please come and talk to me if you are local to us or keep in touch with me by
Love NAN and GRANDAD
So that was my nan and grandads response. Pretty cool no? My aunty Kirsty and her wife Nikki have been absolutely fantastic and if you two get a chance to read this LOVE YA!! Actually everyone that I know of on my dads side of the family have been great, except my dad. I actually told my dad face to face and it was the most terrifying thing I've ever done in my life, and the first thing out of his mouth was lets go down the pub. Now me and my dad have a very strange relationship, we get on great if we don't talk about things that matter, politics,my gender and sexuality, His being a complete douche bag. You know the usual. I know its hard for him to accept and I've had it easier than some people in the fact I still see and talk to my dad, but it would be nice for him to try. Ignorance is bliss so they say.
Well thats it for this post, I'll talk about my moms reaction in the next post because this is getting quite long.
Tuesday 30 August 2011
Who am I?
Well where to start?
I'm Jake, or Jay which ever you want to call me. I'm 21 (horrayyy!)
I live in the not so sunny town of Stafford, UK.
I'm a female to male transguy, yes that's right I'm a man in a woman's body, don't like it? get off my blog.
Firstly I've started this blog in an attempt to give something back to the trans community. If anyone gets any help out of my unorganised ramblings then I'm happy. Secondly It helps me to see where I'm going in life and maybe I can look back at this in 6 months, a year, maybe in 10 years and be proud of myself and who I am.
I'm Jake, or Jay which ever you want to call me. I'm 21 (horrayyy!)
I live in the not so sunny town of Stafford, UK.
I'm a female to male transguy, yes that's right I'm a man in a woman's body, don't like it? get off my blog.
Firstly I've started this blog in an attempt to give something back to the trans community. If anyone gets any help out of my unorganised ramblings then I'm happy. Secondly It helps me to see where I'm going in life and maybe I can look back at this in 6 months, a year, maybe in 10 years and be proud of myself and who I am.
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